I have had issues with my Tonsils for some time now and finally after obtaining some decent health insurance I decided to bite the bullet and get the operation. I was told that after everything was said and done I should experience a "tremendous" amount of relief - as in no more feelings of irritation, no more snoring / airway issues, no more urge to clear my throat 300 times a day, etc... Truth be told the difference was felt immediately after the procedure, despite the pain. I am pleased overall with the decision and the outcome. This is the good news. The bad news is that it's true when they say tonsil surgery is much more painful when you are an adult. The pain is just about unbearable at times and the pain is very slippery... What I mean is the first 2-3 days consists of sharp post op - difficulty swallowing and tolerating any kind of oral nutrition - more or less controllable with slightly modified eating behavior. Days 4-7, however, essentially plateau into dull, excruciating, radiating, deep fiery pain, which is worse in the morning and at night. How bizarre. By day 7 I feel I am just about 95-100% of my old self again. All in all it's about a week of hell, followed by an intense rush of happiness and rapture at how your human body has overcome such a shock to its system. One thing that I feel is noteworthy is the idea of the human body experiencing a "shock" related to surgery - Although physical pain is certainly part of the process, what also comes with it is a feeling of being totally and utterly thrown off your body's "homeostasis." Tonsils are lymph nodes and it's easy enough to figure that once they are surgically removed the body freaks out a little and has to get it's bearings again. This occurrence is absolutely weird to say the least. A feeling of just about constant irritability cut with fearful uncertainty is what results... for about a week. As an Aries - the worst thing in the world to me is the feeling of helplessness / "hurry up and wait"ism, having to give things their due course, etc.. I feel like I'm missing out on life and experiences and I truly dislike that. Not to mention the surgery requires general anesthesia and I'm sure my body wasn't too cool about being chemically forced to go to sleep like that; even if "I" was ok with it. To sum it all up, the whole ordeal is gross and quite painful... but well worth it. It feels a lot more spacious in the back of my throat, as if there's just nothing there anymore. There isn't really.. lol. One thing I had to get used to was how easily food and drink went down my throat. Breathing has become easier and more of a pleasant experience, my sense of smell has improved, etc... Presently I feel just about tip top, aside from some dull pain upon swallowing or eating certain foods, which I'm sure will pass in time. One last thing - I said it before and I'll say it here - Thanks to everyone who has been understanding and cool about me taking the time I need / checking up on me / making me laugh/ etc.. That stuff really helps! <3................
.......... I've come to realize there seems to be a contemporary issue with Females and this idea that it's ok to be a crazy, promiscuous, "bad" bitch - the girl who gives no fucks, not shit # 1 about what they do, who they cross, or how they live. You hear it being promoted all the time in music and other media.. Fuck everything in the world except endeavors of immediate gratification. It confuses me as to why any upstanding girl would be proud to live this way, yet it appears to be acceptable and widespread. I feel as humans, we all feel shitty about ourselves at times and catharsis is therapeutic to an extent... but to boldly proclaim that you're proud to be a raging hurtful slut bag who's only concern is your own street credit and crazy reputation, who will emotionally kill anyone that doesn't fill your most immediate needs - is beyond me. Speaking from the decent, average, fairly ordinary, straight guy's point of view - looking at all this totally turns me off! It certainly (in my opinion) isn't going to help fortify any meaningful relationship with anyone. If anything it's just going to cause further isolation and feelings of uncertainty.. I mean Isn't that one of the main points of human existence? To have meaningful relationships with other people? To me it seems to be the epitome of selfishness and more or less something to avoid in social environments. Certainly opposing what one would think to be the prerequisites of someone looking for a meaningful relationship. I AM deeply suspicious of the possibility that instead of trying to make this concept appealing to the opposite sex, it may be more of a ploy to get females to assume that the "crazier" they are, the more threatening they are to OTHER females. This, in my mind, is counter intuitive if in fact the goal is to obtain a quality person of the opposite sex. After all - the secret to change is to stop focusing on the past and put all your energy into building the future. More thoughts on this later........
.........I'm once again at a crossroads in terms of living situation. This happens pretty consistently whenever I move back in with family. At first I get really excited, feeling like I'm going to save money, hunker down, go underground for a while, get my life back on track, etc... and then at some point I feel like I'm ready to venture out into the world again. There's really no good reason why I can't at this point. I have a decent career and make - what I feel is to be - an acceptable amount of money. In addition to some recent motivators, my son needs his own bedroom, I need more privacy than I have now, and I can only take my family in small doses... In short - I need to get out. Everyone send me some good vibes about this. lol.........
Thanks for reading : )
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