..... From time to time I'll occasionally hear of someone I knew, sort of knew, or at the very least acknowledged the existence of, that for some reason or another decided to actively cut their physical life short. More or less a reaction of shock runs though my body and mind upon hearing the news. I ask for as much detail as I can be afforded and then will reminisce on any sort of memorable interaction I've had with them. On the surface it seems quite tragic, hardly understood, and sometimes even cowardly. However, it remains an active part of our human experience and something that is on going. Most people have either been directly affected or at least known someone who has been affected by the act of suicide. This first blog entry concerns my feelings regarding suicide and what my thoughts are on the issue. By suicide I mean purposefully and knowledgably acting in a way that results in the end of your physical existence.
I used to be scared to death of the idea of suicide, mostly because of the fear of the unknown... There is a ton of momentum and belief in the idea that if someone kills themselves they are automatically going to hell. I don't personally believe that, but I can see why many people do. More or less I figure it goes back to things like religion, whatever upbringing you had, and whatever beliefs you possess. As I get older and learn more about life and the Universe, I'm less and less concerned with the idea that anyone could incur any real danger / suffering simply because they took their own life. There is, in my opinion, a certain degree of sadness and regret I think these poor souls end up with though.
So far life has shown me to be a very linear and seemingly automatic process - with many hills and valleys and many ups and downs. I don't believe that with all the amazing things going on in this World / Universe humans were only meant to come live one piddly lifetime only to blink out of existence forever. For me - there must be more to it - and if that is true that means there is existence happening outside the physical realm... and if THAT's TRUE then that must mean there is a point / reason for our physical existence - Which brings me to the point that if people act in a way that results in their checking out early, they may actually regret it later on in the afterlife.
Once these people who kill themselves early realize that life keeps going, and that their existence had meaning (not just meaning but extremely powerful and amazing meaning) they might end up with a real sad regret on their hands. In essence: - Say life is forever - Stretch existence over the course of infinity. Up until this very moment I'm willing to bet most of us had done things we regret, feel bad about, or wish we could have changed, etc.. I feel suicide is basically the same kind of thing - Basically a sad, awful decision we make when we were in a bad part of our lives. Nothing more, nothing less.
In closing - First I feel it's best to say that I don't believe these poor people who end their lives early are going to hell, or having to face eternity of purgatory, or having to come back as a dog poop, or anything silly like that. I do, however, believe that there should be a very real and active outreach to help these people here on the physical plane - Some people can't help it. I realize there is mental illness, addiction, moments of intense extreme passion... but I ALSO realize it's very possible to live through all of these things and come out to a better place in their lives. To those people who have been through it, I say - Please just try to relax... We're all heading the same direction and whatever way we get to where we're going isn't the point. We'll all meet up in time.
A far loftier ideal to strive for, I would think, is that we should try to have the best journey / existence we can. For now and forever. We need to lift each other up in times of darkness. Appreciation and Validation for the ones we love and care about, as well as a realization that NOW is forever makes suicide completely unnecessary...................................................................
....... A little over a month ago I decided it might be cool to try out a dating website in effort to meet new and interesting people. Before then I hadn't heard too much about these kinds of sites except for the commercials on TV and the anecdotes of a few people I know personally. After having a full fledged experience with one I feel I can now offer some thoughts about this aspect of social interaction. This is my experience and input on internet dating:
There are a lot of different options for people who want to try this sort of thing out. Big sites like e harmony and match seemed a little too main stream and serious for me. Although I found it reassuring that these big reputable sites have the largest date and marriage statistics, I also wasn't looking for anything quite that serious at the time. Other sites seem to be more based on what people might have in common - Christianmingle, blackpeoplemeet, pagandating, farmersonly, etc... Then there are ones that seem to just be about flirting and having a good time - zoosk, plentyoffish, etc.. After some careful consideration (and a few drinks to be honest) I decided to try cougarlife.com - a site where older women can hook up with younger men..(or a site where younger men can hook up with older women depending on how you look at it.)
There is a certain amount of "ok am I really doing this?" I think we have to face when we decide to try online dating. There are a lot of aspects - creating a profile, trying to present yourself, trying not to sound creepy, but trying to plant a few seeds of attraction, etc... It's a whole different thing as opposed to going to the bar and just hooking up with someone.
I decided on cougarlife for a couple of reasons.. First of all I figured my chances of meeting anyone I already knew was pretty low on that site. Secondly I figure most of the women on that site have kids, which is the level I am on. Thirdly I assume women who are older have a much broader perspective on relationships, they probably have experience and could even give me some fresh perspective on the whole relationship game ...YES I know what some of you are thinking, and I'll admit a fourth reason is that the idea of hooking up with someone significantly more established than me is wicked hot ... haven't u ever seen the Graduate?? and one last reason - most of the girls on that site AREN'T AFRAID of NSA (No Strings Attached) relationships if that's what they're going for. What can I say... Cougars pretty much got it down.
So I made a profile. I tried to pick a username that would appeal (or attempt to appeal) to the sort of demographic I imagine actively looking for a younger guy who's looking to meet an older woman. I tried to be honest, but vague. I tried to come off as knowledgeable and open to life experience as I could. I threw in a few personal interests coupled with some "dirty fantasy" guff they ask you to describe. I also wanted to seem light hearted about the whole thing because honestly, If you come off too serious in that kind of environment I think you look needy. I put up a recent picture of me - smiling and trying to look cool / funny, and the waiting game began...
When you sign up you get an allowance of points and every message you send costs a certain amount - you can "gift" the recipient with an extra special something (like an icon of flowers, high heels, etc.) for some extra points.
I threw out a few "hey I'm new at this" type messages to some women I thought I could talk to and get the hang of things with.. I threw out some "hey you seem really cool" types / added a spiffy icon (to show her she's worth more points?) to one or two I genuinely admired and could actually see myself being with... and last but not least, of course, a few "hey I'm super sleazy but I know everyone likes sex" types to some just to see if it could get me anywhere. My results were not as spectacular as I thought.
Almost immediately my inbox started filling up with very generic type profiles all with basically the same message,
"Hey newbie, I saw your profile and I have to say you're really cute. Click on my link and tell me what you think. c-u-t-e-n-f-o-x-I-x-x-x1-1-9@----- without the spaces ok?" or
"Hey! I'm Jessica! Click on my e-mail if you want to see my pics. Let me know what you think ok?.... blah blah e-mail address and obviously a robot..."
Days later, after looking through dozens of profiles all seemingly located in Montreal, I came to the conclusion that things were a little fishy on this site. I started altering my e-mails:
"Hey, I think you're really beautiful and you seem really cool! I'd love to hang out sometime. We have a lot in common and I think we could really hit it off : ) Let me know what you think. ..Sorry I have to ask but are you a real person? Please let me know if you're real." lol ... hardly the sort of thing I ever thought I'd have to verify, but just about necessary at this point.
After a couple of weeks of being on the site I actually realized that some of the profile pictures were starting to become more and more familiar, as well as the messages they would send me. Profiles would be there one day, then "removed" the next.. all the while recycling pictures of god knows who and tailoring their robot profiles to seem more appealing to me...probably based on my internet searches or words I used when I created my own profile... To give you an idea - I would keep getting messages from some extremely hot, yet extremely generic MILF who's profile would read something like:
"I'm looking for a man who is into expanding their consciousness and can see the big picture in life! I'm a single mom so I need someone stable, preferably with kids. I'm a little on the quiet side but once you get to know me I can't shut up and will most likely bore you to death with trivial knowledge. I'm looking for that someone who's a little off the beaten path, but has sincerity of heart and mind. Someone with clear goals and big dreams. I'm very traditional but for the right guy I'll do just about anything. You know what I mean ; )" - Woah.. Upon first inspection it's like Ummm where the hell have you been all my life?? I mean at that point I don't even really care if she is a robot... Sadly, however, after getting wise to the game that is being played, I decided enough was enough. I gave it a good college try and as much as I looked, there didn't seem to be any honest to goodness actual, real, human beings on that site.
I'm not sure why they do that, maybe it's just a ploy to hype the site up and generate customers. In the end I decided not to re-enroll and my account will die on Oct 19th. If I have any stalkers out there - you still have a few days to see me on cougarlife. I won't give you my username though - you'll have to work for it if you really want to see it.
So what have I learned?? Well - I suppose in the end, when it comes to matters of the heart and soul, you just can't "make" it happen. You gotta wait for it. It has to "happen to you." I've heard it many times, from many people of quality character that, "It usually happens when you least expect it." - Trying to make it happen was my mistake. I put myself out there, went in to it with the full intention of starting a new adventure with someone, and came to the sobering conclusion that sometimes your most pronounced action into a valuable endeavor can very easily turn into something unfulfilling.
I DO, however, feel a very renewed sense of freedom. Not only freedom, but faith in the higher order of things. I feel that maybe - just maybe - Things weren't supposed to happen that way. Life and the Universe must have something different planned for me. Maybe that plan is something a lot better - and I look forward to that with a renewed sense of confidence in the Universe's ability to make (and not make) things happen. I came out unscathed this time... but boy oh boy, what a trip that was....................................................................
....... I met the Clinton County Legislature Candidate Chris Rosenquest the other day. He actually came to my door while he was walking around my neighborhood giving people information about the election. I talked to him a little bit, he gave me a pamphlet, and I looked it over later on when I had time. Incidentally his opponent Mr. Tahey came by earlier while no one was home and left a pamphlet on my door. After looking over BOTH pamphlets and checking out their websites and whatnot I absolutely believe that Chris Rosenqneust needs to win this next election... Hands down this guy is who we need to help Clinton County get things back on track. I strongly urge all of my friends, enemies, readers, family members, basically anyone who's a registered voter to go out and MAKE their voice heard. We NEED to get this guy in office. Especially to all of my COUNTY friends / Co-workers : THIS guy is the guy who will help make a difference. Clinton County has been an over dried out floppy pancake for too long, run by old bureaucratic farts who don't give a shit about the common people, we need to end this cycle. We need younger blood in office. Rosenquest grew up during the PAFB times and has a sincere desire to restore LIFE again to the county. I talked to him and believe me, from a personal standpoint if I didn't care I wouldn't be writing this right now. If I didn't think he had anything to offer I wouldn't be giving shit one. He does though. He is the key to bringing something new to our lives. This is a SERIOUS issue people, believe me when I say this. Not to get all political or whatever on you but if we want change - NOW is the time to do it and no one else is going to do it for us. Did you know that only 23% of people 18-35 voted in the last election!?! If we get enough of us together we can do some serious damage! For every day you wish things could change, for every time you look around and say this place is sad and just a dead end road, for every time you wish you could live somewhere the action is - just realize that Election Day is on Nov 1st - and we need to rock out. Sincerely - I mean physically go down to the voting booth and say THIS is who I want in office. Rosenquest is someone who deserves the chance to change things. If you don't believe me look into it yourself and I promise you'll end up feeling the same way. I will drive you if you want. I will carpool, I will do just about anything to help bring some hustle back to this County again. In the mean time here is the website where you can volunteer and donate: www.chrisforclintoncounty.com - I urge you all to get involved, take a stand and embrace the area that is rightfully ours!! Here is his FB too: https://www.facebook.com/ChrisforClintonCounty?fref=ts He is a very cool guy. He's very accessible and willing to talk about the issues we're facing.
If you're absolutely unable to get involved and make your voice heard - at least do me this favor: Close your eyes every once in a while - when you can - when you have time... just before you're going to sleep at night. Take a few deep breaths and begin to envision Plattsburgh and Clinton County as a rocking and rolling place where business is booming, people are working, kids are partying, money is available, jobs are available, there's always something to do, people are always out, there's something for everyone, everyone you know is happy, County jobs are AMAZING and FUN and SECURE... You can wake up every morning and say YES.. my fuckin' town rocks. I'm proud to be from here and when I look towards the future I can feel good, I know it will never die - And then associate all of that with the name Chris Rosenquest.. Imagine his name up there - In big letters - imagine people thanking him and giving him high fives and fist pounds. He smiles and takes the podium - For a new town, for a new era. It's certainly about time...............................................................................................................................
....... Last but not least I would like to let my readers know that I will soon begin to point my thoughts and energy into a more focused point of attraction when it comes to my entries / journals. My "forte", if you will lies primarily in Occult Science and Esoteric studies. From this point on I will make sure that at least one entry out of every blog I write is having to do with such information. I feel now is a good time for this because my higher self is okay with a slow transitioning, I'm not at a point yet where I could realistically piss anyone off energetically, the information is rad and worth reading, and I've built up a small circle of people who are interested in what I have to say / know me by now. Please note that by Occult and Esoteric I mean the following: Theory about the nature of Reality / Universe / Qabalah / Psychic Powers / Astrology / Astral Projection / Meditation / Chakras / On Being a Sensitive / Spell Casting and Reality Shifting / .... and things of that nature. I don't claim to be an expert, but I do claim to speak from someone who has devoted a lot of time and practice into these sorts of things.
In conclusion I wish to say I hope I have provided some entertainment and maybe even a few laughs thus far. I hope my current readers have gotten to know me a little and understand what kind of person I am. From here on out at least 1/3rd of my writing will be based on the supernatural and Occult. I wish you all the best. Keep reading and I look forward to writing you all in the future!................................................
Much abundance - Love you all!
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